I'm usually quite private when it comes to my marriage but with it being Father's Day tomorrow I felt compelled to share with you some of the amazing qualities Tim possess as a daddy.
 He has told me this more than once but right now it's more important to him to spend time with his boys than to sell is soul to a company that demands he be there 50 or 60 hours a week. He's not gunning for management because that would mean less time with Dax and Skylar and it's not worth the extra income. Right now, he can see his boys at lunch almost every day. He's home by 5pm and he's not disappearing on weekends to put in overtime. I love this quality about him and I'm behind him 100 percent.
 When he's home, he's fully on as dad. Wrestling around with them on the floor, making bow and arrows for Daxie out of rubber bands and pencils, setting up the tent in the back yard to play and sleep in, and creating the most imaginary, fantastical stories for them as they curl up with him in bed.
 When I have to work in the evenings, it's rare Tim is sitting around with our little guys. They are on the go and they are exploring - whether he's driving up to Denver with them to play in Wash Park with friends, taking them swimming at the Rec Center, or to the skate park, they're always doing something fun together. So many dads would not make that effort. He does.
 Tim, you're kind, and loving, and the boys think you're really cool.
 We love you.

 I thought you all should know that about a month ago, I, gulp, became a   . . . texter. Yes, that's right, I caved in and I'm now available for you to send emotionless, shorthand notes saying, "Talk tomorrow?" Where I will respond, "Yes, LOL. B4N." Not.
 I'm already feeling a little nostalgic for leaving the mobile world of comforting, familiar voices to reading staccato-written notes that say little at all. How have I survived this long without texting?
Easy. Placing a call doesn't feel like an imposition. I like the banter, the back and forth, the give and take that a spoken conversation naturally takes.
 Sure, it's not as convenient and it was honestly starting to annoy close friends of mine. And there are pluses to texting. I like the fact that I won't be exposing my brain to as much radiation. It's quick. It's direct. It's speedy. Oh, and it's isolating. I guess I never wanted to join that busy bandwagon of folks who are so caught up by their hectic lives that they can't reach out to another with a warm, voicy hug. How and when did we become so damn busy? (Secretly, I think busy is just a euphemism for "important". When you're crazy busy juggling a full time career, a freelance job, a couple of kids and a very ignored husband, you've made it but to make it, you must. stay. busy. OK, back to the topic at hand.)
Here are a few anecdotes that may shed some light on why I've resisted joining the masses in their Smartphone, iPad, text-till-your-thumbs-callous over madness:
 A few months ago while sitting at the Rec Center pool watching Daxie cannon ball it into the water, I overheard one mom say to another while simultaneously texting into the ethernet and talking to her friend that her iPhone, encased in pink of course, made her a better mom.
Breathe. Ki. Breathe.
 I gave Dax a thumbs up for breaching like a Humpback whale but inside I was fuming. Did this mother just utter these words? I looked over at her sleeping newborn, oblivious to his mother's outlandish statement and  happy to be catching a snooze in that warm, humid air. I reached for my two-year-old cracked LG flip phone (well since finishing writing this post I upgraded, are you sitting down, to a sleek LG Cosmos slider!) in my pocket that did nothing but place calls and take calls. I sat there and thought, "Well how the heck have I been able to raise two amazing little boys with this outdated technology?" I thought, I haven't texted in the last four years, I don't surf the web, I don't download apps, play games or search for restaurant reviews. This phone is just a phone. And nothing more. I had to bite my tongue. I wanted to turn to her and say, "Wow, what's the name of the app that helps you change diapers and wash puke out of crib sheets?"
 Again, an outsider looking in. I was sitting in the chapel of my son's pre-school waiting for the Mother's Day program to begin and I looked around and there were five moms, speedily zipping off texts and emails. Why are we so in need of reaching out and being reached every single second of the day? And instead of furiously zipping off notes to people elsewhere, why not turn to speak to the other women in the room? Bewildering.
  One afternoon at Dax's swim class a mom whose daughter was getting a swim lesson turned on her iPad and proceeded to not speak a word to her son who sat next to her playing video games on his Smartphone. I wanted to get up and tap her on the shoulder and say, "Um, excuse me. This is the perfect 30-minute opportunity to GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. He'll be moved out of the house and off to college before you know it."
 Lastly, and I've shared this story with many of my friends but every time I think of this it pains me. One night last winter at the Augustine Grill I waited on a family of four. As I approached the table I noticed all four heads were bent down toward their lit screens and not a word was being spoken. It was a school night. The silence was only mildly interrupted by their annoying tat-tat-tats on the keyboards. When I introduced myself I almost burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation.
 Here was another perfect opportunity to check in with their teenage kids, see how school and sports were going for them, find out how they were feeling about life. I am not exaggerating. The only time they did speak was to place their orders with me. It was eery. It was unnerving. It was wrong.
 What has happened to us? We've become these sterile robots who would rather share their desires and dreams with countless acquaintances on Facebook but we can't look our loved ones in the eye and be human and compassionate and real.
 I will keep on sending text messages because I know I have to keep up with the times to some degree but I'm not psyched about it. I will make no apologies when I decide to place a call to any one of you rather than send a generic text message.
 You very well may hear my voice and not read my words and I hope you'll be comforted by that human act.

It's been a long time since I've shared tips on favorite foods and products as well as sundry other little insidery tidbits. Please proceed.

Snacks for the little ones:
There's no reason to jack up my little June bugs with tons of sugar but I want to hydrate them with a little juice every day (mostly the boys drink water and whole milk) so I buy organic HONEST TEAS FOR KIDS - only 10 grams of sugar per 6.75 fl. oz. That's about half the sugar found in most other juice boxes.
Kirkland Organic Animal Crackers (Winnie the Pooh) from Costco - comes in a huge container and the cookies stay crisp and fresh for quite some time. This snack tends to spark a conversation with Dax about life in the Hundred Acre Wood.
Dax and Skylar love making smoothies with me. We wing the measurements but here's what we put into the Ninja: Greek whole plain yogurt, one kids' organic strawberry yogurt tube, frozen and fresh strawberries, frozen blueberries (or raspberries), wheat germ, OJ fortified with calcium, honey, and some ice. Yum.
No kidding. My kids love sardines. The good ones with EVOO. Brain food. I say keep on eatin' it boys.
Chunks of ripened Hass avocados.
Two timeless Ritz crackers stuck together with creamy all-natural peanut butter. I stay away from the pre-made ones. Those are full of stuff I can't pronounce. 

Best mom tip passed on to me recently: 
  Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons - Siegfried Engelmann;

I just ordered this from Amazon and I'm excited to try it with Daxie and later with Sky. Not sure if Dax is ready to start reading but he's showing an interest so I thought it was worth checking out.

My new favorite products:
Gillette Fusion razor - it has five flippin' blades. I never, ever nick myself anymore.
Neutrogena Rainbath Refreshing Shower & Bath Gel - the scent seeps right into my brain and wakes me up with a happy hello. The heavenly scent is even masculine enough for Tim.
Essie nail polish in "watermelon" - gives even the palest foot that summery glow (other Essie red hues had too much orange or brown but I'm very happy with this selection.)
Motif hand soap in Olive Leaf and Coriander - you can find this antique-looking bottle (the print looks like something right off of my Gannie's apron) with all the other bathroom hand soaps at Target. Got it for $2.50 on sale but usually priced around $2.99 for 8 fl. oz.
Pssst: The generic Target brand teeth whitening strips work better than the name-brand Crest strips. They're thicker so they stay in place longer.

My mom tips of the day:
Don't spend a lot of money on new toys. Scan your local Craigslist first for the items you're looking for. I found an awesome search and rescue helicopter and search and rescue hover craft as well as two garbage trucks for $15. All in perfect condition from a preppy mom in Castle Pines. I've hidden the toys and dole them out when Dax fills in another column on his sticker chart or kicks butt in swim class. I feel better about adding less to the landfill and besides the boys can't tell the difference between new and slightly used.

For a lightweight summer T-shirt, I bought a five-pack of white Hanes Toddler Boys' Crew Undershirts  from Target for $8. White goes with everything, keeps Dax cool, and I can bleach them when they get grungy. I tire of graphic tees so this is a nice alternative to busy lettering.

I was given some great advice tonight from my dear friend Kate when I told her I was feeling downright stuck in my own life. I've given up too many things that make me happy and gotten lazy with all the rest. I've made my kids my world and in the meantime I've completely lost myself. Her advice was simple - don't rush yourself. Take it one step at a time and don't try to change everything at once.
Ah, she knows me so well. As I was sitting in that booth tonight sipping a Cabernet, some of my realistic and far-fetched ideas came tumbling out - I told her I'd like to start a number of different businesses related to new moms, my thoughts on teaching private yoga classes, managing people and their properties, getting paid to write my blog, being a Rodan + Fields consultant, as well as all those hobbies I love but left behind, the book club, yoga classes, trail running, and writing my blog.
Where the hell did I go? And where the heck am I trying to get to? I know better than most after losing my mom that we really don't know how long our life is going to last. So then why aren't I living my life as if each and every day may be my last? And why does it seem that everyone else around me has figured out what they're good at while I'm still trying to figure out how to channel my interests into fulfilling work that brings me ultimate happiness?
I have consciously made a choice to be a stay at home mom and my boys come first but I also know that I use them as an excuse to channel my energies away from myself because I simply still do not know what path I should pursue that will complete me. Make me wake up and say, THIS is it. This is what I should be doing.
So if you'll all bear with me, I thought I'd just start jotting down in a steam of conscious style many of the things I do feel passionate about that if channeled in the right way, could potentially become a gratifying and lucrative career some day: when I write I feel whole, when I'm in the woods I can breathe with no tension, when I cook I heal myself and my family - it's my creative outlet, hearing people's stories of love and pain, hardships and successes especially those shared with me by the elderly, infertility, postpartum depression, new mama issues I could converse on for hours, getting that trail running high, learning about stocks and bonds, being brought to tears by Vivaldi, learning the history of the country I'm visiting, getting carried away by great writing, getting my hands dirty in the soil and eating what I've grown, counseling others when my advice is sought out, easily excited by the small things in life, camping, proselytizing about the importance of moderation and respecting your body, managing another bed & breakfast and oh, this list is endless. And here's a short list of the things I dislike: technology, greed, drugs, boastfulness, laziness, hot, dry weather, living so far away from family, sameness, artificial ingredients and preservatives, fake air kisses and OMG-talking women, over consumption of anything, empty words.
I'll get there. I know I will. I'll start with baby steps. I'll see if my old book club will have me back, I'm going to be more consistent with running, I'll make the call to Littleton Adventist's marketing woman and run my business proposal by her, I'll price out business cards for teaching private yoga classes, and I'll keep reminding myself that right now I'm doing the most important job of my life, raising my boys. But it's that itch I still have in me to do more. Until I can afford to hire a life coach to help me get on the path that's right for me, I'll keep blogging about it, brainstorming ideas and throwing around the ridiculous and the realistic options. I hope Kate's right. That I'll figure out what I want to do. I've got to believe, believe, believe in myself.