I've been on this $20 buck kick. Goal: to give some of the rooms in my house a decisively fresh, new look for, well, you got it, $20 bucks. And so far, I've had success.
 It started at a nearby estate sale around Memorial Day weekend. It was a house I had always had my eye on because I loved the feel and look of the grand front porch, the cedar siding, the in-law house above the garage, and the built-in wine cellar. I knew of some of the home's details because Tim and I had looked at it on line when it was on the market a year ago. And now, just a year later, the current owner was selling.
 This was my chance to go inside and better yet, to shop! All I had on me was a $20 bill so I knew I had to shop carefully. My exciting find for the living room was a bamboo spiraled vase with tall dried grasses and lotus pods priced at $7, a perfect compliment to my beautifully constructed orange and black table where it now sits and greets folks as they walk in the door. It fills that empty space between the table and my prized Austrian prints above. That day I also got a bohemian skirt, a ceramic bread pan, a pair of heels, an antique wooden toy truck, beauty products, and tons of kids books. It felt great not to break the bank and now the first room you see when you enter the house had been given a more finished, refined look.
 Now on to the upstairs. I was in Target the other day with no intention of giving the master bath an upgrade when I spotted a fabric shower curtain with an antique print of blue gray birds and green foliage (http://luxurylinensetc.ecrater.com/p/12520541/target-home-botanical-bird-fabric). It reminded me of being in Gannie's basement where she kept woven baskets full of tossed out printed poplin cotton shirts, and aprons, and all things feminine for me and my sister and cousins to dress ourselves in when we visited her. I had to have this shower curtain. You got it - it was $19.99. I retired my beloved beige one embroidered with Queen Anne's Lace and I'm thrilled because the blue in the curtain picks up the blue in the tiles, the foliage is a nice compliment to my live hanging fern, and now my bathroom has a whole new feel for very little money.
 And this morning as I was drinking an amazing cup of French Roast coffee made by my amazing husband, I was perusing the IKEA flyer when I spotted a queen duvet cover and pillow cases for, yup, $19.99! It's called Emmie Land - check it out - http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/80216628/. The scene on the duvet transported me back to Delft, Holland with its pastoral scenes in that same Delft Blue hue. I will now retire my beloved and nearly threadbare Anthropologie duvet in the upstairs guest room that I've used off and on since 2002. Think it's time for a new look? Yes, me too. The blues in the cover will go so well with an old Japanese watercolor of two herons against a dusky sky that hangs above the bed.
 With that I will say goodnight. I can't sit here any longer. I'm too excited to put the new duvet on the bed!

 A friend of the family recently pointed out to Tim and me that we apologize for things we don't need to be apologizing for. This was not the first time someone has called us on this. Maybe it was his tone of voice or the seriousness in which he delivered the observation but it gave us both pause.
  Since that uncomfortable realization I've made it my intention to not say  "I'm sorry" when I think I've let someone down. I've stopped saying I'm sorry every time I think I "should have" done something differently - answered an email faster, picked up my house better, returned a friend's call quicker, bought a more expensive gift, run that 5K fundraiser. What it comes down to for me is realizing I don't need to live my life according to someone's else's "shoulds".  If one chooses to judge me their judgement is no reflection on whether I'm living my life accordingly. I have to keep reminding myself that those who harshly criticize others are extremely critical of themselves. I'm as guilty of this as the next.
 What's making me think about all this right now is Dax. Lately, he's been talking about how sad it makes him when a kid he doesn't even know won't play with him at the Rec Center day care. Or when his own brother pushes him away because he just needs his own space.
 Dax is intense and he doesn't get why others aren't always up for being intense with him. Hey, I say. Buck up. Some will love you and others will not. Dax looks up at me with his big sea foam green eyes and says, "Why mama?" And I say, "Well, do you like all the kids at school?" "Noooooo," he says. And then he rattles off the personality traits of those that annoy him. One has an ugly laugh, another breathes through his nose funny, one kid eats chocolate pudding every day and that's bad for your body, he adds.
 See Dax, not everyone is on your best buddy list. And for whatever reason, you're not on theirs. But instead of pouting about it, be cool. Go surround yourself with people who appreciate your zest for life. Your insatiable curiosity and gazillon questions. Be a little more thick skinned. "What does THAT mean mama?" I tell him, don't show them that you care so much. The next time the boy at the Rec Center says, "Leave me ALONE," walk away and leave him alone. And don't be too sad about it because there will be a kid a few minutes later that would love to join you in a leap from the top of the Little Tykes slide and make loud fire truck sounds.
 Be thick skinned. I'm giving advice to my son I should be giving myself. No more wussy apologies. No more feelings of guilt for just living my life the way I want to live my life. And not caring so much if I happen to not be at the top of someone's best buddy list.