This entry is about body image.
I was one of those rare teenage girls who actually liked the way her body looked. I was 5'4" and 110 pounds and I never worried about fat and calories. I could polish off an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Super Fudge Chunk after field hockey or downhill ski racing practice and then, always to my mother's surprise, sit down to dinner and finish my plate. I burned calories faster than a hummingbird. One friend described my quick movements as "flittering". He said I didn't know how to walk from one place to the next, rather I ran.
In college, there was no freshman 15 found on this lean frame. My cranked-up metabolism allowed me to drink keg beer, eat gravy fries, and even spend a semester abroad in Spain where fried churros and thick, hot chocolate that had to be eaten with a spoon were my go-to midday snacks. And still, a large butt, belly rolls, and back fat stayed far, far away.
My mom warned me that once I hit my 30's, the pounds would start to pack on. She said it happened to her. On deaf ears, she was trying to tell me that a woman's body changes. Well, she was right to some extent. My boyish figure morphed into one with curves and breasts which made me like my figure more, especially in a bikini or cut-off jean shorts.
Then in my late 30's I hit a depressive low with my divorce and gained some extra weight. It came from making myself elaborate dinners for one and drinking more red wine than I should have. But trail running in Santa Fe before work with friends and sticking to the Atkins Diet for a few weeks had me back to my ideal weight again. I lost 11 pounds just like that. Piece of cake.
And then it happened. I had my second child this past July and even the breast feeding isn't melting the pregnancy weight gain away as fast as I'd like it to. You mean, I'm going to have to actually work at losing weight? Currently, I'm looking at having to lose 15 pounds to get back to my "cosmopolitan self" as my OB/GYN describes it. For me, this is almost an insurmountable amount of weight to have to lose. I mean, this is what Skylar weighs himself and I have to shed that from my body?
To all the women out there who have always struggled with their weight, I now have the utmost empathy for you. I get it. It sucks to have a friend or family member look you up and down from head to toe with a bit of disgust in their eyes. Suddenly, I feel like the fat girl sitting on the gym bleachers not being asked to slow dance.
In order to get back to my ideal weight, I'm taking my (fat) ass to the Rec Center every week and hitting the treadmill, hiking steep trails with Skylar in the Bjorn, cleaning my house with a frenzy (this burns some serious calories)and trying to eat a more Mediterranean diet of salads with feta, tomatoes, olives, red onion and always a lean protein on top. With breast feeding, I'm not looking to cut out a ton of calories. But I am committed to exercising more, eating well, and doing my 60 sit-ups a day to get my body back to beautiful. I've never been so ready for a challenge. Pretty soon those disdainful stares will turn in to ones of admiration and envy.