I waited on two older ladies the other night at Augustine Grill. They sat at table 9 - a pretty two-top table by the corner windows. I introduced myself and per usual, they commented on what an interesting name I had. In turn, one of the women told me her name was Freddy and that like my short name, hers was not a nickname either. We immediately clicked.
I took good care of them throughout the night. I noticed that they splurged on dinner, not holding back on calories and decadence. And when I suggested a dessert they said they shouldn't but then they went ahead and ordered our delicious homemade butterscotch bread pudding and ate every last bite. They stayed long after their dessert was finished engrossed in conversation like best girlfriends do.
But it was after they had gotten up to leave that I learned from Evelyn why they were out that evening. While Freddy was primping in the bathroom, Evelyn shared with me that they had been friends for nearly half their lives. She told me that Freddy's husband was living in a nursing home and that he was dying. And then as her eyes welled up she went on to say that she had lost her husband five and a half years ago to pancreatic cancer - the cancer that kills so quickly. She explained that years before he had battled melanoma which had moved to the lungs, surviving it and living another 20 odd years. But the pancreatic cancer got him in his late 70's leaving this lovely lady widowed and devastated.
I realized that this dinner was for Freddy. That night she needed her friend's sympathetic ear. She needed Evelyn's love and support and mostly she needed a friend who would understand what it was like to be loosing a husband.
Freddy came out of the restroom unaware that I had been filled in on her story. Here was this spunky older woman still hip with her choppy blonde haircut and red leather jacket obviously in very good health herself about to be widowed and on her own. Through her spryness I could see the sadness. It was there underneath her red lipstick smile. I just wanted to give her a hug but I didn't want her to know we'd been talking. Instead I laid a hand on Freddy's shoulder, telling them to take good care and to come back to see us again soon.
After they left I felt overwhelmingly sad. I went and sat down at the bar with my boss Anna who I knew would want to hear about this particular table. We talked about how no one is immune to death and dying, that we will all experience it with our partners. Depressing. But as I explained to Anna, even in this very dark time for Freddy there was one thing that was light and beautiful and uplifting - her dear friendship with Evelyn.
It made me realize how much I need my girlfriends and how lucky I feel to still remain close with so many of them. It's my girlfriends who pick me up when I'm feeling my saddest. They have been there to empathize and analyze and to help me sort through the messy chaos that is life.
Whenever I get off the phone with Annie or Corinne or Emily or Holly or Faith or Kate or Susan or Dawn or Julia or Nik, or Anna, Carole, Lisa, Melisa, Wendy or Sally, I always feel rejuvenated and clear-headed and mostly, I feel like I can face whatever darkness has come my way. I'm healthier and happier to have these women in my life. I don't know where I'd be without them. I'm pretty sure Freddy and Evelyn feel the same way.