This was an emotional day - getting the quick test results from Monday's amnio and learning that this baby boy's chromosomes are completely healthy and normal. Even though I knew my triple screen numbers were outstanding for someone my age, I needed to do the amnio to have peace of mind for the rest of my pregnancy. It looks like I got that today. And it was Dax's two year birthday. It's having to admit that Dax is no longer my baby, he's my little boy. And though he just gets more and more fun to talk to, hang with, laugh together over silly things - I'm seeing a fierce independence in him that scares me. There will be a time when Dax will think he may not need his mama (though I know he always will!). And that makes me sad. But strangely, the day he turns two, he acts more like a baby than ever before. Incredibly clingy, needing to cuddle longer in the big leather chair, and whiny. I think he's starting to understand that mama's "baby tummy" as he calls it is going to impact his life in a very big way.
I don't like to make New Year's Resolutions but I do set goals for myself at the beginning of every year. This year it's more of a mantra I'm trying to live by - to get back to who I used to be. The girl who picked quarts and quarts of ripe strawberries and then made homemade jam, the girl who loves to hike and backpack and be outdoors, not in. The dream of living in a farmhouse with a little land, some animals, and a creek that runs nearby. I don't want this to just be a "dream", I want Tim and I to work toward making that happen. And the girl who used to do a lot of yoga. The girl who used to write all the time. It's getting back to what's important and what feels right. And now it's time to say goodnight.