I first started noticing a particular phenomenon while living in Santa Fe, NM many years ago. It was a recurring theme playing out in people's relationships, including my own for a while, that had me perplexed to say the least. Women from all aspects of my life, be it my hair stylist, a former boss, a close girlfriend or a fitness instructor would eventually share with me their stories and these stories all tended to have a very similar theme - highly motivated, driven women taking care of their free-riding counter parts for a host of reasons. Some of the men were struggling with alcoholism, others with depression, lack of motivation or not wanting to "sell out" for work that was below them. I thought at first it was just a coincidence that one or two women had similar experiences. Not the case. After living there for nine years, I realized that I was witnessing a common occurrence and I have to say, I was appalled. Appalled at myself for succumbing for some time to this but also for the women I cared about too. They were working themselves to the bone while their men were "finding themselves" or trying to get a little freelance work here and there. One hair stylist told me she had been financially supporting her artsy, live-in boyfriend for the past five years. When I asked why he didn't work, she sighed and said he was a "fine carpenter" and he didn't want to work for anyone else but himself. When I asked if he was bringing in any money, she said no. His way of helping out was to do handy man projects around the house. Turns out she was putting in 50 hours a week on her feet to keep a roof over their heads. She said she couldn't kick him out. I thought to myself, pathetic. I had a former boss struggle to pay her huge mortgage and house bills while her sober, live-in boyfriend search half-heartedly on their home computer for work for nearly seven months. He never once considered doing something other than what he was trained to do. Why should he? His girlfriend paid all his living expenses including gas for his car and food for his stomach. But it really hit me when my own boss at the restaurant I worked at asked me once as I was setting out the chopsticks and fine linens for dinner why I was putting in a full work week at my magazine internship and another two shifts at the restaurant on the weekends while my partner wasn't even working full time. I said our phone bill was threatened to be cut off and I didn't want to live that way. She asked, "Well, why doesn't he work more? You know, your lower back is sore because you don't feel financially supported." I was stunned that she had it figured out. And I sadly didn't have an answer for this wise Chinese woman. But I think I have an answer now. I think because most women have the capacity to do an extraordinary amount of work in and out of the home as well as be expert multi-taskers, not to mention that in so many instances, we care a whole lot more about keeping our shit together and our lives in order, that as a result of our type-A makeup, we let our men off the hook way too easily. This phenomenon isn't special to Santa Fe. I see it here too unfortunately. We take on more than our share because we don't want to rock the relationship. And now this rant is over.