I waited on two older ladies the other night at Augustine Grill. They sat at table 9 - a pretty two-top table by the corner windows. I introduced myself and per usual, they commented on what an interesting name I had. In turn, one of the women told me her name was Freddy and that like my short name, hers was not a nickname either. We immediately clicked.
I took good care of them throughout the night. I noticed that they splurged on dinner, not holding back on calories and decadence. And when I suggested a dessert they said they shouldn't but then they went ahead and ordered our delicious homemade butterscotch bread pudding and ate every last bite. They stayed long after their dessert was finished engrossed in conversation like best girlfriends do.
But it was after they had gotten up to leave that I learned from Evelyn why they were out that evening. While Freddy was primping in the bathroom, Evelyn shared with me that they had been friends for nearly half their lives. She told me that Freddy's husband was living in a nursing home and that he was dying. And then as her eyes welled up she went on to say that she had lost her husband five and a half years ago to pancreatic cancer - the cancer that kills so quickly. She explained that years before he had battled melanoma which had moved to the lungs, surviving it and living another 20 odd years. But the pancreatic cancer got him in his late 70's leaving this lovely lady widowed and devastated.
I realized that this dinner was for Freddy. That night she needed her friend's sympathetic ear. She needed Evelyn's love and support and mostly she needed a friend who would understand what it was like to be loosing a husband.
Freddy came out of the restroom unaware that I had been filled in on her story. Here was this spunky older woman still hip with her choppy blonde haircut and red leather jacket obviously in very good health herself about to be widowed and on her own. Through her spryness I could see the sadness. It was there underneath her red lipstick smile. I just wanted to give her a hug but I didn't want her to know we'd been talking. Instead I laid a hand on Freddy's shoulder, telling them to take good care and to come back to see us again soon.
After they left I felt overwhelmingly sad. I went and sat down at the bar with my boss Anna who I knew would want to hear about this particular table. We talked about how no one is immune to death and dying, that we will all experience it with our partners. Depressing. But as I explained to Anna, even in this very dark time for Freddy there was one thing that was light and beautiful and uplifting - her dear friendship with Evelyn.
It made me realize how much I need my girlfriends and how lucky I feel to still remain close with so many of them. It's my girlfriends who pick me up when I'm feeling my saddest. They have been there to empathize and analyze and to help me sort through the messy chaos that is life.
Whenever I get off the phone with Annie or Corinne or Emily or Holly or Faith or Kate or Susan or Dawn or Julia or Nik, or Anna, Carole, Lisa, Melisa, Wendy or Sally, I always feel rejuvenated and clear-headed and mostly, I feel like I can face whatever darkness has come my way. I'm healthier and happier to have these women in my life. I don't know where I'd be without them. I'm pretty sure Freddy and Evelyn feel the same way.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Here are a few more of my favorite things:
For babies: I just discovered the BEST diaper rash cream. It's called Dr. Smith's Diaper Ointment with zinc oxide. It's sold at Walgreens. Bye bye Butt Paste, Mustela, and Desitin - this one tops them all.
For toddlers: Dax has been loving a series of books called, An If you Give book including If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, If You Give a Moose a Muffin, If You Give a Pig a Pancake, etc. by Laura Numeroff and illustrated by Felicia Bond. They are so much fun and they teach kids full-circle reasoning while picking up the concept of cause and effect. They capture how a toddler thinks and responds and to them, it all makes perfect sense all the time!
For mamas: Ok, I'm loving the new Revlon Just Bitten lip ($7)stain in Frenzy. I'm not a lipstick wearing girl so this has been perfect for having color that actually stays on for hours and hours. I just reapply the chapstick end and it brings back the luster. And I'm also not a foundation wearing kind of girl but I've now discovered the perfect tinted spf 15 moisturizer that goes on like a light foundation and evens out my ruddy skin. It's called VitaZing by Origins and it blends with any skin color. As soon as it goes on, it starts matching ones own unique skin tone. I'm hooked. ($37.50)
For babies: I just discovered the BEST diaper rash cream. It's called Dr. Smith's Diaper Ointment with zinc oxide. It's sold at Walgreens. Bye bye Butt Paste, Mustela, and Desitin - this one tops them all.
For toddlers: Dax has been loving a series of books called, An If you Give book including If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, If You Give a Moose a Muffin, If You Give a Pig a Pancake, etc. by Laura Numeroff and illustrated by Felicia Bond. They are so much fun and they teach kids full-circle reasoning while picking up the concept of cause and effect. They capture how a toddler thinks and responds and to them, it all makes perfect sense all the time!
For mamas: Ok, I'm loving the new Revlon Just Bitten lip ($7)stain in Frenzy. I'm not a lipstick wearing girl so this has been perfect for having color that actually stays on for hours and hours. I just reapply the chapstick end and it brings back the luster. And I'm also not a foundation wearing kind of girl but I've now discovered the perfect tinted spf 15 moisturizer that goes on like a light foundation and evens out my ruddy skin. It's called VitaZing by Origins and it blends with any skin color. As soon as it goes on, it starts matching ones own unique skin tone. I'm hooked. ($37.50)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I bet everyone of you reading this blog knows someone who has a "doctor's complex", right? You know the type. They freely dish out unsubstantiated medical advice they read on-line and because they got it off the Internet, well, it must be true. Or worse, they try to cure your head cold, skin rash, or heart condition with herbal tinctures and high levels of one vitamin or another. (Now we're treading in dangerous waters.)
Really, moms are the biggest culprit. We spend so much time trying to make our babies' boo boos go away that we think we can cure cancer too. I'm the first to admit that I appreciate an old fashion panacea to make whatever I have go away but when a friend or a family member is adamant about how much Vitamin D I should take or how I should treat full-blown mastitis, I quickly start to tune them out. Because I know what they're doing. Most often, they're regurgitating information they found on a random Internet website or an article they read in Town & Country. Thanks but no thanks. Because the web is right at our fingertips and because we've all gotten so good at surfing it, we are starting to see ourselves as experts in fields we know absolutely nothing about and that's scary. We read and then we pass these unsubstantiated bits of knowledge on to our peers. But who says what we read is medically sound? The thing is we're bias ourselves. We read what we want to read from those who we like the most.
So during this horrible cold and flu season, I've learned to take others' unsolicited doctoring with a grain of salt. I smile and say, hmmmm, maybe I'll try that, and then I pick up my cell phone and call my internist.
Really, moms are the biggest culprit. We spend so much time trying to make our babies' boo boos go away that we think we can cure cancer too. I'm the first to admit that I appreciate an old fashion panacea to make whatever I have go away but when a friend or a family member is adamant about how much Vitamin D I should take or how I should treat full-blown mastitis, I quickly start to tune them out. Because I know what they're doing. Most often, they're regurgitating information they found on a random Internet website or an article they read in Town & Country. Thanks but no thanks. Because the web is right at our fingertips and because we've all gotten so good at surfing it, we are starting to see ourselves as experts in fields we know absolutely nothing about and that's scary. We read and then we pass these unsubstantiated bits of knowledge on to our peers. But who says what we read is medically sound? The thing is we're bias ourselves. We read what we want to read from those who we like the most.
So during this horrible cold and flu season, I've learned to take others' unsolicited doctoring with a grain of salt. I smile and say, hmmmm, maybe I'll try that, and then I pick up my cell phone and call my internist.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Skylar Drake turns six months old today. Happy Half Year birthday chunky monkey! For all my family and friends who read my blog regularly, I wanted to let you know what our big Sky has been busy doing.
1. While on his back, Skylar grabs both feet and rocks from side to side until he's finally on his stomach and then he rocks back to Happy Baby yoga pose!
2. Sucks his thumb.
3. When on his tummy, he can push up so high on his forearms that his head clears the co-sleeper. We've now moved him to the crib!
4. Can successfully grab at all the hanging toys on his Jungle Play Mat (on loan to us from our dear friend Dawn), make them rattle, swing and dance. And everything goes in to his mouth.
5. Can sit on his own unsupported but because he's so big, he sometimes starts to cant forward and when he finds his toes, they go right in his mouth.
6. Has a late afternoon snack of DHA-fortified infant oatmeal, and either mashed banana, garnet yams, or avocado as a side dish. He'll be trying applesauce today.
7. Skylar points with his index finger at nothing in particular.
8. Is really trying to talk. The other day I said, "thank you" to Dax for turning off the outdoor faucet and a second later I swear I heard Skylar trying to say the same thing. Whatever he said it sounded like thank you. He also says "hi". No joke. He does.
9. When crying to be picked up, he has said "ma" and "mama" and Tim's pretty sure that he's also heard him say "da".
10. If you ask Skylar where mama is, he looks to find me. If you ask him where dada is, he looks right at Tim, and he does this for Daxie and our dog Kodi Bear, so Sky knows who his family is!
11. When you come toward him with a diaper, he lifts his legs. What a helpful little guy.
12. Dax can get Skylar to grunt out a deep, hearty belly laugh. Dax has nicknamed Skylar "Noonie" and "Pooping Machine".
13. When you say "kiss?" he opens his mouth for one, especially when Kodi walks by because he knows he'll get a nice wet one from his furry friend.
14. When I ask if he wants a bath, he gets very animated and starts punching and kicking with arms and legs. Same goes for "neh" "neh" (breast milk) and when I ask if he wants his oatmeal.
15. Can palm his bottle for a short bit but he isn't quite holding it on his own yet.
16. Is loving the Rec Center pool.
17. Coos along to songs on the car radio.
18. His pediatrician says it looks like Sky's two bottom front teeth are about to come in. He also says that at 90% for weight, 90% for height and 96% for head circumference, we've got a very healthy baby boy.
19. Aside from getting fussy when hungry or tired, Skylar is such a happy, laid-back baby. We adore him.
1. While on his back, Skylar grabs both feet and rocks from side to side until he's finally on his stomach and then he rocks back to Happy Baby yoga pose!
2. Sucks his thumb.
3. When on his tummy, he can push up so high on his forearms that his head clears the co-sleeper. We've now moved him to the crib!
4. Can successfully grab at all the hanging toys on his Jungle Play Mat (on loan to us from our dear friend Dawn), make them rattle, swing and dance. And everything goes in to his mouth.
5. Can sit on his own unsupported but because he's so big, he sometimes starts to cant forward and when he finds his toes, they go right in his mouth.
6. Has a late afternoon snack of DHA-fortified infant oatmeal, and either mashed banana, garnet yams, or avocado as a side dish. He'll be trying applesauce today.
7. Skylar points with his index finger at nothing in particular.
8. Is really trying to talk. The other day I said, "thank you" to Dax for turning off the outdoor faucet and a second later I swear I heard Skylar trying to say the same thing. Whatever he said it sounded like thank you. He also says "hi". No joke. He does.
9. When crying to be picked up, he has said "ma" and "mama" and Tim's pretty sure that he's also heard him say "da".
10. If you ask Skylar where mama is, he looks to find me. If you ask him where dada is, he looks right at Tim, and he does this for Daxie and our dog Kodi Bear, so Sky knows who his family is!
11. When you come toward him with a diaper, he lifts his legs. What a helpful little guy.
12. Dax can get Skylar to grunt out a deep, hearty belly laugh. Dax has nicknamed Skylar "Noonie" and "Pooping Machine".
13. When you say "kiss?" he opens his mouth for one, especially when Kodi walks by because he knows he'll get a nice wet one from his furry friend.
14. When I ask if he wants a bath, he gets very animated and starts punching and kicking with arms and legs. Same goes for "neh" "neh" (breast milk) and when I ask if he wants his oatmeal.
15. Can palm his bottle for a short bit but he isn't quite holding it on his own yet.
16. Is loving the Rec Center pool.
17. Coos along to songs on the car radio.
18. His pediatrician says it looks like Sky's two bottom front teeth are about to come in. He also says that at 90% for weight, 90% for height and 96% for head circumference, we've got a very healthy baby boy.
19. Aside from getting fussy when hungry or tired, Skylar is such a happy, laid-back baby. We adore him.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I want to dedicate my next blog to some funny (and frustrating!) toddler antics. One glace at this list and you might think I never have my eye on Dax but somehow he manages to pull these escapades off in a matter of minutes!
1. While the red load was washing, Dax manged to open the dryer door, stand up on its lip, grab the partially opened and brand new bottle of Downey softener, and proceed to dump its entire contents into the wash cycle.
2. Flushing a pair of small nail clippers down the toilet.
3. Getting in to a giant tub of Vaseline and smearing it ALL over his face, his bed, and the carpets. Oh what fun it was to clean up, but his skin was as smooth and silky as a newborn's bottom!
4. Dropping DaDia's beloved snow globe on the living room floor and then not owning up to it. He continued playing as if nothing bad had happened. So naughty!
5. Finding Dax sitting in the middle of the kitchen up to his elbow in a brand new jar of all-natural creamy peanut butter. There were pools of it around his entire body and he just smiled and said, "Look mama!"
6. Dressing up in mama's headband (he actually got it on right) and beaded clutch purse and telling me he was going shopping for turkey. (And just to set the record straight, he prefers playing with monster trucks and tractors!)
7. Smearing washable finger paint ALL over his playhouse with his good friend AJ. They even managed to get it on the fuzzy rocking horse.
8. Left alone for 10 minutes to play together upstairs, Dax gets into the shower and AJ keeps turning it on and off. Dax is soaked and both boys are giggling uncontrollably.
9. Lifting Skylar out of his vibrate seat and nearly toppling over from the weight of the chunky monkey.
10. Finding Dax standing on the coffee table launching himself through the air onto the couch.
11. Getting in to the chewing gum in the center console of the car and leaving wads of it for us to find.
12. Taking himself to his potty, he later yells for me to come look at the "18-wheeler" he had pooped out. Lordy, it was enormous.
More to come . . .
1. While the red load was washing, Dax manged to open the dryer door, stand up on its lip, grab the partially opened and brand new bottle of Downey softener, and proceed to dump its entire contents into the wash cycle.
2. Flushing a pair of small nail clippers down the toilet.
3. Getting in to a giant tub of Vaseline and smearing it ALL over his face, his bed, and the carpets. Oh what fun it was to clean up, but his skin was as smooth and silky as a newborn's bottom!
4. Dropping DaDia's beloved snow globe on the living room floor and then not owning up to it. He continued playing as if nothing bad had happened. So naughty!
5. Finding Dax sitting in the middle of the kitchen up to his elbow in a brand new jar of all-natural creamy peanut butter. There were pools of it around his entire body and he just smiled and said, "Look mama!"
6. Dressing up in mama's headband (he actually got it on right) and beaded clutch purse and telling me he was going shopping for turkey. (And just to set the record straight, he prefers playing with monster trucks and tractors!)
7. Smearing washable finger paint ALL over his playhouse with his good friend AJ. They even managed to get it on the fuzzy rocking horse.
8. Left alone for 10 minutes to play together upstairs, Dax gets into the shower and AJ keeps turning it on and off. Dax is soaked and both boys are giggling uncontrollably.
9. Lifting Skylar out of his vibrate seat and nearly toppling over from the weight of the chunky monkey.
10. Finding Dax standing on the coffee table launching himself through the air onto the couch.
11. Getting in to the chewing gum in the center console of the car and leaving wads of it for us to find.
12. Taking himself to his potty, he later yells for me to come look at the "18-wheeler" he had pooped out. Lordy, it was enormous.
More to come . . .
Friday, December 31, 2010
I've been writing down my New Year's goals since 1997 on little lined squares of card stock and keeping them in my wallet change purse. (Well, in the first few years I taped them to my office wall or the bathroom mirror, but now they stay with me). With my new system, I'm more apt to get them out and give them a look over. In the 13 years I've done this, I've almost always accomplished what I set out to do.
So with that said, this year I'm not only writing them down on paper, I'm going to jot them down here in my blog for all to read. Keep me honest guys!
1. To be the most patient mama I can be and to teach my boys to be loving, kind, adventurous, and respectful human beings. And most important, always always make time for play!
2. To lose the last eight pounds of post-pregnancy weight and to get to my optimal weight and fit level. I'm not only needing to do this for myself but for my family too.
3. To continue to stay in touch with those I love who live far away and to be open to making new friends right where I am.
4. To make more Tim and Ki time by having more date nights, a weekend or two away without the boys, and just making sure we connect every night and have that adult time our marriage craves.
5. Travel to places I've never been before (Austria, U.S. National Parks, etc.) and go back to the places I love (the Caribbean, Santa Fe, Vermont, Cape Cod . . .)
6. Start a regular YOGA practice!
7. Begin each morning with fresh squeezed lemon juice in warm water, to take my vitamins religiously, and to drink lots of water. And here is to less sugar!
8. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
9. Become an expert in something. Make a name for myself.
10. Treat myself to a few more splurgy things like hair highlights, facials, massages, clothes, products, etc.
11. Breathe away anger and replace it with acceptance.
12. Make every minute count!!!
So with that said, this year I'm not only writing them down on paper, I'm going to jot them down here in my blog for all to read. Keep me honest guys!
1. To be the most patient mama I can be and to teach my boys to be loving, kind, adventurous, and respectful human beings. And most important, always always make time for play!
2. To lose the last eight pounds of post-pregnancy weight and to get to my optimal weight and fit level. I'm not only needing to do this for myself but for my family too.
3. To continue to stay in touch with those I love who live far away and to be open to making new friends right where I am.
4. To make more Tim and Ki time by having more date nights, a weekend or two away without the boys, and just making sure we connect every night and have that adult time our marriage craves.
5. Travel to places I've never been before (Austria, U.S. National Parks, etc.) and go back to the places I love (the Caribbean, Santa Fe, Vermont, Cape Cod . . .)
6. Start a regular YOGA practice!
7. Begin each morning with fresh squeezed lemon juice in warm water, to take my vitamins religiously, and to drink lots of water. And here is to less sugar!
8. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
9. Become an expert in something. Make a name for myself.
10. Treat myself to a few more splurgy things like hair highlights, facials, massages, clothes, products, etc.
11. Breathe away anger and replace it with acceptance.
12. Make every minute count!!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
I'm living in a time warp. While the majority of you are getting a solid seven or better yet, eight hours of sleep a night, those dark hours for me are comprised of vivid, sometimes troubling dreams interrupted by a small whimper that takes me from REM to a robot-feeding mama in seconds.
When one doesn't get enough sleep, weird things happen. You start to feel like you're on the rim of reality looking in but you're not actively participating in every day events. You see life unfolding as it should but you're not 100% there to a: enjoy it and b: remember it.
It struck me the other day that since Skylar was born I've gained a gorgeous, healthy, smiling bundle of coos but simultaneously lost my life as it once was. I gave up my shifts at the restaurant - and how I miss the staff, the comraderie and the money - I've lost my Sunday yoga class, my book group, my bunco buddies, my tennis matches, my physique (though I'm now back in to two pairs of pre-pregnancy jeans) my one-on-one adventures with sweet Daxie, and like I said at the start of this blog, my head. That's a lot to give up.
When it hit me the other day that so many of my favorite things were being put on hold, I had a momentary freak out. I frantically shot off emails at 11pm one evening to those friends and acquaintances I knew could help pull me back in. I wrote the book club chair and said I was committing to being there for the December meeting. She wrote back and said my vote would break the tie on which night to meet on. I felt empowered. I can't wait to discuss the tawdry prose of Wifey by Judy Blume.
Next I wrote my mom's group president and said I'd be at the next play date. We went and had a terrific time. I got to talk to moms about mom's stuff and Dax got to make a turkey out of construction paper and play with Tonka toys. And when I asked a new acquaintance of mine from Dax's school about the cardio class she was taking at the Rec Center, it inspired me to commit to going too. While we sculpt our bodies, our kids get to play together in the center's daycare space. They have a crush on each other. It's perfect.
And I know that what is going to finally make me feel like I'm back in sync with the rest of the world is re-entering the work force. I have zero regrets about being home with my children. I feel lucky to not have missed out on one minute of these early years. Every day is an adventure with them. Today, for example, I watched as Dax bravely took the water slide at the local indoor pool and each time he waded out of the water, he'd look to me for approval and a smile. I felt so happy I could be there to do that and to cheer him on.
What I'm wrestling with still is figuring out what work is going to utilize my skills and leave me feeling sated and ultimately happy.
It feels good to be slowly emerging from this weird, alternative universe. I like the real world a whole lot better.
When one doesn't get enough sleep, weird things happen. You start to feel like you're on the rim of reality looking in but you're not actively participating in every day events. You see life unfolding as it should but you're not 100% there to a: enjoy it and b: remember it.
It struck me the other day that since Skylar was born I've gained a gorgeous, healthy, smiling bundle of coos but simultaneously lost my life as it once was. I gave up my shifts at the restaurant - and how I miss the staff, the comraderie and the money - I've lost my Sunday yoga class, my book group, my bunco buddies, my tennis matches, my physique (though I'm now back in to two pairs of pre-pregnancy jeans) my one-on-one adventures with sweet Daxie, and like I said at the start of this blog, my head. That's a lot to give up.
When it hit me the other day that so many of my favorite things were being put on hold, I had a momentary freak out. I frantically shot off emails at 11pm one evening to those friends and acquaintances I knew could help pull me back in. I wrote the book club chair and said I was committing to being there for the December meeting. She wrote back and said my vote would break the tie on which night to meet on. I felt empowered. I can't wait to discuss the tawdry prose of Wifey by Judy Blume.
Next I wrote my mom's group president and said I'd be at the next play date. We went and had a terrific time. I got to talk to moms about mom's stuff and Dax got to make a turkey out of construction paper and play with Tonka toys. And when I asked a new acquaintance of mine from Dax's school about the cardio class she was taking at the Rec Center, it inspired me to commit to going too. While we sculpt our bodies, our kids get to play together in the center's daycare space. They have a crush on each other. It's perfect.
And I know that what is going to finally make me feel like I'm back in sync with the rest of the world is re-entering the work force. I have zero regrets about being home with my children. I feel lucky to not have missed out on one minute of these early years. Every day is an adventure with them. Today, for example, I watched as Dax bravely took the water slide at the local indoor pool and each time he waded out of the water, he'd look to me for approval and a smile. I felt so happy I could be there to do that and to cheer him on.
What I'm wrestling with still is figuring out what work is going to utilize my skills and leave me feeling sated and ultimately happy.
It feels good to be slowly emerging from this weird, alternative universe. I like the real world a whole lot better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
