At the time Dax was born, both Tim and I felt strongly about not circumcising him. We learned in our parenting workshops that circumcision was not necessary as once thought. The Santa Fe team who helped birth him didn't even bring it up to us as an option! But for the past eight months, we've had to administer topical cream to get the foreskin to loosen up and to retract in an normal manner. Dax has complained of pain and discomfort off and on too. After the cream stoppped working, the urologist said the only other option was cicumcision. So Dax had the procedure Tuesday and what a brave little boy he was. He danced about the pre-op room in his purple rocket gown and non-stick socks and let the kind nurses take his temperature, his oxygen output, and listen to his heartbeat. The 30 minute procedure felt like an eternity but I was able to breathe fully when I saw Dr. Blythe and the anesthesiologist come in to the waiting room with big smiles on their faces - the procedure went well and Dax was just coming to. We are having another baby boy and this time he'll be circumcised as soon as he's born. I don't want to have to go through this again. And the chances he too will have a tight foreskin and complications with that are pretty good.
On another note, my pregnancy hormones may be making me feel more emotional but the feelings that are coming to the surface are still real and valid and powerful. I fully understand that as a stay at home mom, it's my primary job to a)care for Dax b) take care of the house and household budget) but moms need breaks too and if we don't get them, we break down physically and emotionally. I know it's not healthy to keep score on who's getting to play more but the scale is tipped so far to one end, it's laughable. In talking to a good friend here in Castle Rock, she made me realize that instead of waiting till the meltdown moment, to talk to Tim and tell him when it's happening that I need time for myself too. And to take it. Not to just say I need it but to actually do something about it. So I've made a new commitment to re-joining my book club, to visiting family in California, to getting my ass to yoga EVERY Sunday, not just once in a while, and to take a night out of the week for just myself - whether it's to catch a movie with a friend or drive to Boulder to see friends. And to suck up the costs and actually hire a babysitter to watch Dax while I go and find my sanity once again. No more feeling sorry for myself - it's just time to take control of my life again. Easier said than done but I know I can do it.